


A True Quest

by BattyRae



Category: Magic: The Gathering (Card Game)
Genre: Eldraine (Magic: The Gathering), Gen, Knights - Freeform, Quests, Snark, an absolute monster of a horse, like seriously this horse is an asshole, lots and lots of snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21912766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BattyRae/pseuds/BattyRae
Summary: Sebastian's ears were pressed right back against his skull, his body tense like a bow. Syr Kathry patted his neck, whispering comfort in hopes of not getting thrown to the ground and left to fend for herself against six heads full of nasty teeth. The dim light of the grove caught the knight's blade as she drew it, preparing herself for the one part of this stupid job she was actually looking forward to.A knight of the realm journeys into the wilds to slay a mighty hydra, no backup but her horse.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	A True Quest

Once upon a time there was a knight with hair as gold as sunlight and her noble steed.  
"Move your fat ass!" Yelled Syr Kathry at her dozing horse. Sebastian had been particularly lazy today, vengeance for refusing him apples no doubt. The horse flicked his ears and snorted peacefully.  
"You aren't even asleep you stupid animal! Get moving or I'll leave you for the redcaps!"  
Sebastian turned his head to fix his rider with a most unimpressed gaze. _It's not my fault you can't find the stupid hydra._ His eyes seemed to say. Kathry huffed and sat back in the saddle. Glaring.  
It had all seemed so glamorous, being a knight. Shining armour and parades and tourneys. They didn't tell you about spending weeks out in the wilds being rained on. Or getting lost. Or how how horrible you smelt after a few days without a bath. It was all a bit shit if Kathry was being honest with herself.  
"Listen." She said to Sebastian, trying a gentler approach. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. This whole ordeal has been...trying. Can we please just get moving so we can get back to the realm?"  
The stupid horse let out another exaggerated snore.  
"Oh for the love of- fine! I'll buy you a bushel of apples when we get back!"  
Finally, _finally_ the stubborn old horse tossed his mane and began a steady trot. There were no paths here, indeed the wilds themselves seemed to laugh at such petty human things. But Syr Kathry had studied her enemy well. The hydra was nearby. The mutilated elk stored in the trees made that much plain. It was probably. Laughing at her too. Judging.

Stupid wilds.

Kathry rode on for another half day, fearing that this quest would never end. That life would be nothing but saddle sores and the uncomfortable sensation of mud soaked armor forever. But something had changed in the air. The smell. The elk had been rotting so far. Putrid. But the stink was more metallic.  
Bloody.  
The hydra was close.

 _Thank fuck. It's nearly over._ The knight shrugged the thought of a hot bath from her mind. No place for that here and now. Distractions would make her hydra lunch.  
Sebastian's ears were pressed right back against his skull, his body tense like a bow. Syr Kathry patted his neck, whispering comfort in hopes of not getting thrown to the ground and left to fend for herself against six heads full of nasty teeth. The dim light of the grove caught the knight's blade as she drew it, preparing herself for the one part of this stupid job she was actually looking forward to. Venting her frustrations with extreme prejudice. A low growl rumbled through the trees, and everything else seemed to freeze. Kathry's guts were full of ice as she turned to face those yellow eyes.  
She was meant to yell something inspiring. But fuck it. It wasn't like there was anyone listening anyway. With a feral yell filled with weeks worth of pent up frustration, Syr Kathry spurred Sebastian into a charge. Lightning crackled from her hand and down her blade, arcing into the air until she had a whip to flick up towards the first head that tried to devour her. With a snap and a sizzle, it reared back and Kathry continued on to the main body of the beast.

 _Stab heart, don't die._ She told herself as Sebastian dodged and weaved through the snapping jaws, aided by bursts of lightning and occasional stabbings when the heads got really close. But it was proving to be difficult. The beast was a tangle of scaly necks with no end. No body. Trying to get through was as hard as finding her way in the wilds. And Kathry had to end the fight quickly. The hydra was bigger, stronger, and had much more endurance. If she couldn't find the body soon...  
Well. Bye bye knight. Hello nightmares for the next poor idiot that came along and saw her half rotted in a tree. Kathry frowned up at the heads that just didn't seem to stop coming, were there really only six? She could have sworn she hadn't cut any off, and decided to throw caution into the winds.  
_Either I die relatively painlessly,_ she thought as she spurred Sebastian out of harms way, _or I kill it. Either way, I win._  
Trees snapped like toothpicks as the beast pursued, and Kathry leapt to her feet atop Sebastian's galloping form. A charge of lightning called her whip up again, the smell of ozone strong enough to overpower the stink of blood and death totally, and sent it curving through the air once more. A little magic to change weights and movement and the hydra's head was trapped, it's lower jaw pried open wide by purple blue light that clearly hurt beyond belief. It tossed it's head, and the other toothy maws were closing in.  
"Don't stop running." Kathry said as she leapt. She called the lightning back, rocketing towards the hydra as the lightning whip shrank back into the blade. There was only one thought in Kathry's mind as she dove down the hydra's throat.  
_Oh this is gonna be disgusting._

Kathry couldn't move her arms to fight, but she was getting nearer to the main body. She must be. That or the hydra was choking. The urge to release the stored up energy was there, but she couldn't do it. Not yet. Kathry held onto her lightning until she felt acid burning her flesh.  
The storm tore forth, testing open the fleshy walls around her. The dim light of the grove turned blindingly blue for an instant, and Kathry was alive.  
And absolutely covered in monster guts and charred hydra flesh.  
"No. Oh gross. Disgusting." Her heart was still beating so fast, but Kathry's brain was about ten seconds behind, telling her that it was a very bad idea to explode the hydra from inside. Like now was the time for that information. A high pitched whinny and a nose nudging against her face pulled the knight's from her shock. Sebastian stated down at her, equal parts concerned and disapproving.  
"Well I didn't see you coming up with any plans!" She snapped with no real fire. With a disdainful snort, the horse turned his attention to a patch of grass, ignoring the hydra gunk covering it.

As a matter of fact, the whole place was a wreck. One of the hydra's heads had knocked over a tree, and there was a small crater where it's body once was. A bath filled with bloody viscera that Kathry was lying in.  
"Disgusting." She mumbled again as she waded out, her legs all shaky as the last of the energy from the fight left her body. But she couldn't rest now. There was still work to do. Proof of death to gather. With her sword, the knight hacked and carved at one of the hydra's many mouths, extracting a very chipped, but still recognisable, tooth.  
"Sebastian!" She called, unsurprised when he ignored her again. "Get over here you pig, we're leaving."  
The horse shot her a look of utter disdain. An expression that kings and queens would envy.  
"Do you want those apples or not?"  
With one final sigh, they were off. Finally. Finally heading back home. Back to civilization. Back to good food and hot baths.  
And once they got there, they all lived happily ever after. Until about two weeks later.

"What do you mean another quest?" Kathry yelled. "I barely got back from the last one!"  
After that, they lived angrily ever after with many arguments.


End file.
